This year will be my first fasting month away from my family. It happened before for for short period of time. But now is for real. I know some of my friends have been there earlier than I am. Now I know the lonesome that can't be explain, but it sure feels empty. The first day was the hardest I guess, when it used to be merrier than what I have now.But this is the life I've been given, to nurture me to be a better being, preparing for the even worst future. I don't complain, while at the same time it teaches me that family is the greatest possession I could ever want. I'm glad to have been in this situation realising that I've been given this priceless chance to be with them longer than some of my friends. Yes, I have friends with me, breakfasting together, staying late at department til midnight, but it's not sufficient enough. There is always this missing part, everytime I remember I spaceout for seconds. But soon I'll be off back home for good. This time is sure since my contract is finally over. No more extension whatsoever.
Rejection is always hard, regardless the excuses given to me. First, second and then third time still no positive answer, but yet appeared promising and gave me hope. The overwhelming frustration and disappointment effect the surrounding. I've given my best but the reality turned otherwise and not what I was hoping for. I guess giving my best was insufficient. However, The thing that matter is the process. I know I made mistakes along the way, but I've learned from them. I'm not giving up just yet and I will try again until the time averts me from doing so. I will get my paper published somehow.
Lately, especially after I return to my home country few weeks ago, there is this different feeling regarding the sense of where I belong. A certain thing I'm sure of is that the way I see my own country as a home. Last time, when my family and I were living together, going back to my home country felt like just going for holiday, with the obligation of coming back abroad and thinking that my place is here. But since a year ago, my perspective has changed to the opposite. The way I see the condition of where I'm now is an optional of my preference, with an obligation of returning to home country.
Just had a thought recently about the world I live in. First I don't like to judge people, coz I don't stand on their shoes so they may have their own reasons for whatever things the're doing. But, the thing is that I just don't get those people who do thing because they're just simply following the trend. I mean if it brings good or positive results then its okay otherwise it will just be the full of whys??
Don't they think that everything they do reflects their own personality. So, if you live simply just following others means that you dont;t really have your own personality. In other words, you are living on others expectation without realising that you have your own uniquness which differs from other. Recently (about a month ago), there have been this pokemon fever throughout the entire world. People from around the world are hyped about this game. First I tried the game for like 2 days, it feels just like any other game. But only differ in the possibilities of finding different pokemon. Besides, we are required to walk or travel for certain distances in order get different type of pokemon. Then after two days, I gave up coz its just too boring. Yes, I dont have the spirit to catch them all, because I simply have other things to do and moreover the only challenge is that you just need to travel farther or in different places in order to get variety of pokemon. I'm not that crazy about getting this imaginary pet where the only purpose is too train and make them fight. In the end, it will be deleted.
Also had a thought about the muslims being accused for terrorism. I've heard a statement that "all muslims are not terrorist, but all terrorists are muslim". I just don't get the idea people believe that that muslims are terrorist, so in the end in certain countries they made a ridiculuous rules. Like muslim women cant wear covered swimming suit, or hijab are not allowed for muslim women, or muslim are not allowed to practice the religion (this I heard long time ago). That statement I mention earlier is like a poison. If we trully understand the meaning of terrorism, which I dont, this kind of accusation wont only be put on muslim. How many countries are having cold war? or dispute within their own country parliament or government? lots of them. But the media only bring up islam, because it's islam. It's like they really want everybody to hate islam. What did islam do?
First islam is only a religion, the name itself comes from the arabic word which can be translated as "peace". it teaches the best way to live our life. Then what happen about that suicide bombing and all the shooting? do you actually believe that islam did that? Okay as all as I know from the moment I was born, there has not been any teaching which allow to kill myself or shooting the innocent. Yes, not all muslims are good, but the bad ones are still wont be a suicide bomber or shooting the innocent. Those who are doing that are misguided or don't actually practice islam. It's like when we are taught in highschool to throw garbage in the thrash can, respect the elders, smoking is bad for health. But there are still some people ignore that, regardless their religion, parents, or schools (favorite or not/public or private). But that does not mean they represent their school, parents, and religion or taught wrongfully. It is themselves that are bad. So stop generalising muslim as so-called muslim terrorists. I'm a muslim but will never terrorise anyone.
I believe those of you who said all muslims are terrorist must have failed math in their school. why? let see, there are about 2 billion muslims in this world. okay let me simplify, let say there are only 1 billion muslims in this world, and about 300,000 so-called muslim terrorists in this world, and I simplify again 1 million terrorists (am I not kind enough?)
all muslim ; 1 billion= 1,000,000,000
so-called muslim terrorist; 1 million= 1,000,000
So "normal" muslim ; all muslim - so-called muslim terrorist = 1,000,000,000 - 1,000,000 = 999,000,000
Percentage of "normal" muslim = ("normal" muslim/all muslim) x 100
= (999,000,000/1,000,000,000) x 100
Percentage of so-called muslim terrorist = (socalled muslim terrorist/all muslim) x 100 = (1,000,000/1,000,000,000) x 100
As far as I remember from my kindergarten math teacher, majority is represented by the highest percentage. So saying that, IF majority of muslims are terrorist, which do bombing and all those shooting, means that earth would/should/could have turned into craters like the moon, but it didn't. Talking about bombing and shooting. Which country did those or still doing it nowadays? I guess I don't have to mention. Coz in the end islam will still be put to blame.
From my point of view to stop this terrorism is simple. But it appears complicated because of there are these "political agenda" causing "visible and invisible" conflict/war. I don't really read news because the media made it this way. Then, how will I know that the ones I read is true, knowing that I don't read news much?? Common sense. Why would a country be conquered by another? What makes a country intervening other's political issues? It's a public secret that there is this nation wanting to capitalize or conquer natural resources for its own economic power. So I surmise, if this nation leaves all these conquered countries, there would be no terrorism. Because why would we disturb others if other don't disturb us? unless, we are bullies.
Besides the number of people killed on this "islamic terorrism" is considered small compared to the people who have been killed in the middle east countries. I'm too idiot to understand the logic behind muslims are called terrorist while they are actually the one being bombed and shot. I know that there are only small percentage of parties saying that muslims are terorrist while majority of the world population don't think that way, but apparently, the media makes that there are quite numbers of people believe in that.
I wonder what's the function of this UN thing. I thought they are supposed to fix this problem or at least find the solution (its very clear). The world hunger and middle east problems seem to have not found a way out while there are countries able and wealthy enough to suppress these problem, it happens more than decades already, but yet they prefer to make weapons anyway.
Human made mistake so did I. After my contract was over, my living style has changed a little bit, coz things didn't go according to plan. I have been very conservative regarding the money I spend. Because I have unfinished business, especially my paper which is currently being reviewed and my thesis is being evaluated. So now I'm solely relying on my savings, which I need to safe to keep me alive until the end of this year and I have to make sure that everything is done before that. In order to do so, I reduce my junk food consumption and eating outside, but buying raw stuff instead. The result is actually unexpected. I'm able to save 50% from my previous expenditure. But, ofcourse it didn't come easy to control/suppress my animal appetite for the first 2 weeks, but it gets easier through time. Besides, the good thing is that I can customize(not sure about the word) my meals.
So one day, I bought bunch of bananas, I think there were like 12 of them and already riped when I got them. So I ate like 1 or 2 bananas in a day coz afraid that they might spoil quickly and my housemate did the same. After like 3-4 days there were 3 left, and my housemate and I just came back from uni and were starving. I remembered that we still had 3 bananas left and I ran to the kitchen to grab one immediately. I offered my housemate and he said just leave one for him, so I did. After that I took shower and laid down on my bed, with half fulled stomach enjoying the last moment of dusk. Then my housemate called me and little conversation happened.
Him: Galih, how's the banana you eat just now? still okay?
me : Yup, nothing wrong with the taste I guess.
Him: No, I mean is the banana still okay?
me : What do you mean?*curious
Him: Come here for abit hurry!!
me : What is it?
Him: There look, maggots!!
me : Holy sh*t!!,
Him: Didn't you check?
me : Nope, I'm dead.
I might turn into maggot man any moment now.
I almost forget that I have this unsettled post and this could be my first visit to this beautiful and wonderful piece of blog after like 3-5 months away writing the best shit I could do into my thesis. Hope the panel can handle this very true sedimentologist's mind, who knows nothing yet acts humbly.
About my thesis, I don't even remember what I wrote in all those pages, every information from countless source of journals. I still remember when my supervisor asked about several stuff I wrote in the thesis. I was like "what am I writing here? How the hell is it appear there? What in the world is this?" It just that sometimes (all the time) things get really mix-up somewhere. I had like 8 drafts before finally able to print and submit my thesis. There is this funny thing about my final draft. The other drafts I named them normal (draft 1, draft 2. etc), but my final one I named it "Thesis Galih Ultimate final draft". In my head I was like "if it doesn't get through, I don't know what to do anymore". Fortunately, it did. Now I can see the University gates are opening wider for my departure although I see them almost everyday.
It almost a month now being back home eating mom's cooking everyday. After I submitted my ultimate thesis I decided to take a month holiday just to ease my mind from hectic in this cruel and brutal world. But as usual, things didn't go according to plan. On the day of my flight my supervisor sent me a text message asking when will I submit my paper (for ISI thingy) draft. In my head I was like "really? is this how my holiday is going to be?" So I replied that I will submit as soon as possible, But I submitted to him exactly a month later, after received twice reminder from him. It was the first time since usually I submit everything early or ontime. So it was a disappointment I guess. How couldn't? my mood was holiday mood and the atmosphere is different when I'm home. Ofcourse my productivity will decrease 83.79%. Let say in normal productivity mood I can work from 4-10 hours of optimum performance. The duration also depends on the matter like idea and type of work. When it comes to reading, I suck. I hate reading, not because I don't like to read. It just that when I read local or international journals, a sentence be ambiguos or can have more than one meaning. Therefore I need to be alert and super careful. Besides my english is bad and I always forget new vocabularies learned during the reading. So maybe for the same word in the same paper, within the same day I may need to check like trice and normally will forget on the next day. I'm not complaining just share one of billion things I hate.hehehe
Happy new year mina san.