Friday, May 27, 2016

MEMENTO

I've been doing great in the last 2 months (march-april), I mean my life has been little bit colourfull with activities I have never done before, like hills/mountains climbing, explore jungle/jungle tracking, swim and play in a lake (well, I did this when I was a kid), star-gazing. During my adolescent I skipped all these activities due to the fact that most of them require some amount of money, and me in the past was saving money as much as possible just in case my parents are away, so I dont really need to depend on them, and it did happen. But now since I have a little bit saving from my salary I guess I could use it to atleast "rewarding" myself after I did some progress on my work. I mean I have this method of rewarding myself with something which could release me from tension or refreshing my mind, like play long games, movie marathon, eat special food, anything that is simple but effective (for me). But I did this rewarding thingy everytime I've completed some big progress, just to motivate myself and keep my work going. However there were also times when nothing is done, and that's the time when I got demotivated. So in this situation I just sit in my desk, look at the ceiling, sleep and let the time find the solution. In other word I will just fool around.

I just did my candidature defense for my master program. Knowing that one of the panel would be one of the lecturer I scared the most, I felt anxious that he might ask some weird questions. I prepared my slide within a week coz there was a mistake I made on my interpretation. Since the more you study the more you understand, so I just got an idea regarding my stuff little bit later, and thank god I managed to do it. This is also the moment when I know my body better than before. So basically, I'm the typical person who likes to prepare every single thing in the most convenient way. I like to plan everything long before I do something. Also I hate last minute work or study, since I don't like to stress my self, but it doesn't mean I hate critical thinking, because I need and want to be fair with everything. Like planing my thesis or presentation. I thought everything was clear months before I did my presentation slide. But somewhat unfortunately/fortunately, a week before my presentation, Monday at 8.45 a.m. I read a paper which has blasted my mind and in the end I came up with a new idea. At first I wanted to ignore it coz it'll be troublesome to change here and there (slide and thesis), but in the end I did it anyway. From 8.46-9.00 am, was one of the time when I used my full brain power, I planned everything in the most efficient way. Started by looking my slides, see the flow and it didn't fit/suit/correspond/match/ with the new idea, making me worry and stress at the same time, knowing that I might have to change my entire slides. Then I realised something. So, when I stressed out I tend to have ulcer, lots of ulcers and my hands and feet start to excrete excessive sweat (not sure about the term), head starts to itch and light fever.

So at first I had 25 slides within my presentation and after that "innovation" I've come up with 40 slides and I knew that I need to change almost everything when the first slide that need to be changed was the introduction. Therefore the only one stayed from the previous slide was the cover/front page. I had 5 days, starting from monday, my presentation was on friday the same week, I planned to show my slides to my supervisor on tuesday expecting he comes up with the feed back on wednesday, do the correction asap and I could do the dry run on thursday, so I'll be ready on friday. Those two days were exhausting, I came to department at 7.20 am and arrived home like 11.30 pm. This was because only 5 slides including 1 page of cover, reference and other 3 I can't remember had words, the rest was fully diagrams, pictures, photographs, tables (not even words), and models. I recreated and rearranged everything so that it goes with the flow. After I've finished I submitted to my supervisor right away and he is a very meticulous person. All correction he did to my thesis was somehow demotivating, but constructive at the same time. So I was expecting every slide has at least one correction and, worst comes to worst I need a major correction if he's not agree with my idea. I waited anxiously on wednesday from morning til the afternoon but no reply from him, so I decided to go back home early (10 pm) since the working hour was over and no sign of him replying my email.

The next day (thursday) around 10 am, I received an email from him with the same title I sent two days ago. In my head I was like "be nice to me, don't give too much correction, at least accept my idea and model". Then with full power I left-clicked my mouse and found no attachment. I was worried sick thinking that he forgot to see my slides. But then I read the message he sent me, it says "It looks good, however I would combine the intro slide with the locality map on the next slide" and then I just did the fastest correction I've ever done in my whole life, 10 secs with the cut-paste-edit-combine-save. In the afternoon I did a dry run infornt of my friends and the feed back has truly helped me improve the presentation. From a 35 minutes of talking non-stop to 20 minutes, although the dry run took almost one hour coz I asked them to stop me everytime I did something unnecessary or they didn't understand what I was saying, in other words if my delivery was bad. I wouldn't say that 15 minutes reduction was bad though, because in the end its all about the content and I was able to deliver everything within that period of time.

Then the day came, there were 4 presenters and my turn was the third and it was held in the lecture hall. When my time arrived, I just walked forward confidently, with my over-sized formal suit. Why oversized?? Coz I forgot to buy and that was the only formal attire I could find, and it was my father's, somehow inside my luggage (I was lucky to have one). So then I stood infront of the computer, opened my slides, looked at the audience, smiled like a retard and waited for my supervisor to give a signal, he looked at me, nodded and my time to shine was finally arrived. After it was over and talked for like 18 minutes I guess, saying thank you and bla bla bla, I just realised that I was about to be raped with questions from panels and one of them was the person I mentioned earlier. Funny thing happened (well, for me) during that Q and A session. So I was given 5 or 6 questions if I'm not mistaken, one of the question I couldn't answer. Firstly, because I didn't know whether it was a question or just a statement, Secondly, she spoke softly and I couldn't hear properly, even asked her to repeat that thing twice. That time I knew I was doomed, so I sought for a help from my supervisor, because supervisor could help his/her student to answer but not giving the answer. so I looked at him hoping that he got my signs of asking for help and maybe could lend me a hand, but the reality turned otherwise. He did look at me, but looked down immediately after seeing my face. Then I was like "wth??,really? why u no help me?Imma your student.why u look down.nooooooo!!!!!" So then in the despair I said to her "I'm not sure if I understand your question correctly, but I'll try to answer, bla bla bla" The other panel whom I mentioned earlier, I debated with him a little regarding my interpretation, I was worried because he's an expert and American. I always have this thought that western people are expert. But I was totally surprised when he said "it's the first time I hear you talking and it was nicely presented" I was flattered and thought that this person is not so bad at all.

I wouldn't have thought that I might come back to the field this year. I thought that I would have a normal year like any other normal students (other than geology). But you don't know what comes a head and what other people might have planned. It was in the middle of February when I just returned from a 2 days trip with my friend, accompanying him to his study area. I don't consider it as fieldwork since its only in short period of time and besides it didn't feel like field work at all. So right after that when I reached home I chatted with my friend whose having nearby study area with mine, and after long conversation talking about the contract thingy she said"Btw, are you planning to go to your study area? because I'm thinking on coming back this April for maybe a week". Suddenly tears burst inside my heart. from that moment I realised that all of my not-getting-dark plan was going to an end.

However, the feeling changed right after I landed at the airport. Somehow the atmosphere has drastically changed right after I arrived , like I had this feeling something interesting/unusual is about to happen and I was looking forward to it. Bytheway, this time, I went trio with another local friend, I mean this person lives not-so-nearby our study area, since she's going to help us and vice versa, so spent a week for each of our study area. The first week was a normal sedimentoloical field work and since I was there to help my friend, I did nothing much, except that I practiced with my photography skill using my phone since one of us (obviously not me) is a pro in this photography thingy so I learnt as much as I could from her. Then another week I spent in my friend study area and since her field of study area is different from me, I couldn't really expect much what would we do. Yes, I did ask her regarding the methodology or do we do any field interpretation or just simply collect data and sample. After the first 2 days of her fieldwork, my body started to disfunction. Somehow everytime I took a break/sit for more than 10 minutes, my body lost its power. It feels like the aftermath of carrying a super heavy object. So basically her type of fieldwork is more to the walk-alot kind of fieldwork, where you need to keep on moving under or covered from the sunlight. While my type of fieldwork is just a stand-still kind of fieldwork where only small amount of movement is required. However I need to be under the hot sun, coz most of the outcrops are found that way.

The feeling of "something will happen", the one I had before the fieldwork was real. Lots of thing did happen during this fieldwork and all were unexpected and last minute planned.

The first day my friend and I were picked up by this local friend and she offered to stay at her house before we moved to our study area, making it easy for her to take us. I was at first worried because I guess this was the first time I overnight in my friend house, her parent's house and for more specific girl's house. It felt more awkward for me because I was the only guy in the group. First time I arrived she told me her parents are away. So in my head I was like "Eh??So only three of us will be staying tonight?no it can't be". I don't know for some people but for me staying with girls under the same roof is odd, not sure I'm the odd ones or what, I'm just not used to that. Along the way to her house my brain thought about millions of possibilities that could happen from me being uncontrollable to the other way around. I was afraid that my dark side would emerge. Then when we reached her house she opened the gate (coz there were dogs), and then I saw a guy walked out the front door and brought the dogs away to the backyard so we could enter the house. Then I asked my friend about the guy, and it's her brother. I was like"okay, that's a relieve. at least someone can stop me just in case I lose control. Now I can rest in peace". I didn't sleep well that night.

The next day we went around 250 km southwest to my friend's study area and along the way we tried to get to the field work mode. It may take few days just to get your mental ready for being scorched under the hot sun. my friend drove this 4x4 hilux and after traveled 3/4 of the journey one of the tires exploded, luckily my friend successfully controlled the car calmly to the roadside eventhough her face said otherwise. 2 hours we took to change the tire coz we got stuck removing the busted tire, We tried kicking and pulling, but didn't work. Plus the tire has this iron threads which is new for me, since this was the first time I changed this 4x4 tire. In the end, one of us (me) went under the car and kicked it from the inner side of the tire and with a single kick it got off, plus there was this lock blocking the spare tire and the key hole was filled with mud, so it took quiet amount of time just to make sure the key went to the hole. So basically we wasted like 1 hour with all these kicking and pulling and maybe 5-10mins to get the key hole cleared, while the remaining was the time of despair. It was 2 hours of worth new experience of life. I don't know but I prefer this kind of experience, something unexpected that can happen anytime, rather than visiting new places, eat new foods, try new activities, although I don't deny any of them. Because it gives me this unexplainable sensation and have more chance to be remembered.

A minute after the Journey begun (happy faces. too young, too dumb to realise about whats gonna happen)


2 hours later*in the despair, 5 seconds before thinking of committing suicide


Me doing the key-hole-lock cleaning) (they want to see this online)


Key-hole filled with mud


after 2 hours of faith *look at the feet, that's because of the tire-kicking action


The next few days found new outcrops which made me so excited and could be a prospect for my Phd program if I want to pursue further. One best thing about this fieldwork was there is this restaurant selling indonesian food inside the town I lived in. Although this restaurant is simple and not extravagant, but the food was excellent. It has been I don't know how long since the last time I went to indonesian restaurant which could satisfy my tongue. Besides the price is considerably cheaper. Another "best" memory happened when I was helping my friend looking for this paleocurrent (flow direction) underneath the rock. So there was this exposure where the cliff was >70 degrees and I from below I saw this huge scour marks which could be a good indicator of flow direction. But the problem was that it is 7 meters high up and since I needed to get this reading ,so I climbed up that cliff. Getting up was easy but stabilizing your-self to get the reading was pretty hard, since it is sedimentary rock and would easily break if I put too much pressure on where my feet were steeping, so I had to adjust my position accordingly. Above this cliff is a flat surface and since I was like a meter away from it and wanted to get more data, why not I get up there, coz I was hoping that I could get better view. So I raised both hands tried to reach the top, grabbed it and suddenly the rock where I step on collapsed and so I solely relied and hanged on my both hands.

Sedimentologists intense outcrop discussion


Me in action *stuck


It felt like a life and death situation. I was scared to death. I tried to move my feet sideways, hoping that I could get something to step on but nothing. Below me was like 5-6 meters high, ofcourse I wouldn't die if I fall, unless head first. Besides there was no flash back so the worst might be broken bones. My manly tear was about to break and I was just about to let go my hands and a picture flashed in my head. I somehow got this 3 seconds super-strength and finally managed to pull my self up to the top. I laid down for like a minute just to get my head clear form that thrilling moment. I stood up look around and luckily found what I have been looking for, but I need to get down to the cliff again coz it was 3 meters away from the previous one. The shity part about climbing is going back down. It took me like 2 minutes to get into the position to where that thing was. I adjusted where I step on, just to make sure that it's stable. So to get this reading we need this specific geological compass (I don't know if there's specific name for it). I took it from my pocket, positioned underneath the rock (coz it was flute cast underneath the rock), but blocked by this debris. So I cleaned up this debris and guess what I found. yes, it was a blackish scorpion. It was medium sized (5-7 cm) but still made me panic like hell. I was like"what the heck, no,no,no!!!". I was freaked out plus panic, but more to freaked out. I moved back and lost my balance immediately, I tried to reach anything within my grasp but too late.

In my messed up head I was like "is this it?is this how its gonna end?die as dedicated geologist?I haven't even completed my master. why no flash back?? I see, so its broken bones then"

Everything happened in a flash, I didn't even realise that I was already laid down and facing upright. I tried to move my legs and arms but didn't work. I thought I was done with the fieldwork, but then I waited for like 15 seconds, took a deep breath and with all my strength I finally able to stand up and then immediately walked towards my friend. I was like "what the hell just happened?how did I survive that?"

Next day we went back north and stopped by at he beach. It has been I dont know how long since the last time I went to the beach. It was pretty relaxing day before continuing the fieldwork next day. Then I found this beautiful rock while we were about to go back. It's recent sedimentary rock I guess embedded with broken part's sea-shells. Then from looking at the rock I realise something "its perfection comes from the imperfection"

This is a perfect of imperfection


Some snapped photographs

Little grasshoppers


Aligned furry-ball plant *I don't know the name of the plant, just found it interesting


Glowing stick-like dandelion *Not sure about the name


Lonely wanderer


Then time for my local friend's fieldwork where lots of stamina was needed coz there were lots of hiking and walking. It was really tiring week but fun. My friend and I were invited to the dinner with my local her family. The whole family member was there except for one elder sister working in KL. But it sure was very warm atmosphere which I haven't felt for quiet sometime, made me miss my family. One day before the fieldwork ends, we went to this waterfall, where 15 minutes hiking was required. The girls made and packed the food for this little picnic. It was a good ending before going back to the reality in the next day.

moments to remember


Lost


Walk away *it was the last time they saw me


A lot of things happened during this fieldwork, like laughing, fighting, sharing, discussing, falling, sliding, sitting, standing, pissing, pooping. Good memories and bonds were made among us, even fell in love with a stranger. However, I can't carry everything with me. I let whatever happened stay where it is, coz I'm not planning to bring it back anyway. The time spent was worth, as feeling grew stronger everyday. But In the end, I need to leave it behind and forget whatever happened, even the precious ones. Otherwise, I wont be able to move on and trap in this endless uncertainty, knowing that my heart and thought go separate ways. Time has brought us together for a reason, but I've decided to let this go. Because I know how it will end if I decide to follow my heart. Eventually, time sure will lead us to different paths, so I guess it's better to let things go this way, maybe it's all part of a plan (edsheeran). Goodbye my shoe and slipper, you'll be replaced soon.

So after approximately 4 years both shoe and slipper finally reached their retirement time and I threw them away for good, before coming back to KL.

These are the faithful shoe and slipper. 10 seconds before I threw them into the garbage bin* the shoe looks okay, but the rubber at the bottom part was torn.
There is this one weird thing which I just realise after I went back from this fieldwork. So basically, my existence for this fieldwork was to assist and help my friends. But in the end, I got the most sun burn.

Friday, April 1, 2016

HABITUAL

I don't know what makes people get so hype about this new year thing. Most of them were mentioning all of their new plans, or goals for this 2016. I know that it's the beginning of the year, but new goals can be set like everytime. We don't really have to make a plan on the first day of new year. Unless you are running a company and to make everything organised. It's not that I get irritated by all these "new plans" they are talking about. It's just that most of the plans they made, have not really come true. Like you see someone saying them out loud infront of you, and by the end of the year nothing really came true and when you ask them they said" well I don't have the time for that", "I have something more important to do"

Recently, I just realised that the way I do and choose things has really changed for the last 5 months, exactly right after my parents went back. Last time, I didn't have to worry much about daily meals and house rent. I used my own money to get things I desire and daily stuff but still when I get home I was supported by my parents. So, in term of personal finance (minus the study fees), it was comfy for me. But everything has changed when the fire nation attack I have to live based/relied on my saving/salary. There are expected and unexpected things which I have to buy or get in order to sustain a good life style, well at least average life style. Like daily meals, water supply, paying electric/water bills, house rent, internet fees. These are all the "everyday" stuff and the rest are unexpected, which I don't really know what. Anyway, I just bought a fan for my room since the old ones is spinning like snail, making me wake up in my own sweat.

Week days routine

Then: depart from home at 7.30 am and arrive at home around 6 pm, interact with family until 11 pm and sleep around 11.30 pm
Now : depart from home at 7.00 am and arrive at home around 10 pm, sleep 10.30 pm (take shower and sleep).

Going shopping
Then: This shirt looks good and the price is considerably okay (RM 20-50). I guess it's worth to buy.
Now : (look at my 8 years old shirt) nahhh. this shirt can last for another 3 years.

Taking meals
Then: (look for quality and ingredients of the food) hmm. The price is not so bad, it looks tasty. I'm taking this.
Now : (look for the menu) hmm. May I have plain rice with scramble egg, please.

Weekend plan
Then: go outside, visit new places.
Now : Play games, clean up my room and sleep I guess.

The last 5 months have been pretty much repeating the same thing over and over again. Having fieldwork once in awhile have been very helpful and felt like I could temporarily release tons of burden. I guess this is what people said as "I have no life". Nevertheless, I'm still lucky/grateful to be here.

As the oldest man among my sibling, I somehow feel the kind of responsibility to take care the others. I didn't build it coz it somewhat came naturally knowing that my parents are hundreds miles away. Like my father always tells me "Gal, you are the oldest among them all, take care and look after them, be a good example, and may the force be with you" remove the last part. But that's pretty much what my dad always said everytime I was about to departed or when he's about to be away for while.

So this one day, in one beautiful afternoon. I was just finished my lunch and heading back to my office. I guess I had like another 30 more minutes before my lunch break was over so I went online for a while. 15 minutes of scrolling around the internet has truly made me exhausted then I decided to take a quick nap (Normally 10-90 minutes). I put aside my laptop, removed papers from my desk and ready to land my head on the hardest mattress in the world, my working desk. Suddenly I heard a ringtone, and thought that I know the sound. After few seconds of thinking I realised that it was coming from my pocket. My phone was ringing for like 10 seconds, I checked the phone number and it was unknown. I was like "who the hell is this? could it be her?nah impossible"

I picked up the phone and these were lines I heard "Hallo, this is Iko, Resti's friend. Your sister is in emergency room in *** hospital. Could you please come? Coz I need your help here, hurry!!!" This was the time when my brain stopped working due to the after lunch disease, plus tired of scrolling around the internet combined with sleepiness. I replied "Aaaa hah?? seriously?? ok I'll be right there in a flash". I hung up my phone, put all my stuff in my bag, left the building and headed to bus stop immediately.

Along the way to the bus stop, I thought about the fastest way to get there. The options were taking LRT-LRT star or LRT-Monorail. Both options were pretty much the same, the only different is the possibility of the train delayed time. In my head my brain works like a computer. Using some maths formulae I've learned from my primary school I was somehow able to measure all the estimated time taken to get to the destination using both ways. In the end, I need to take a bus which probably takes around 10 minutes with waiting time of at most 15 minutes coz I missed the previous bus. Then the first LRT will either take approximately 10 minutes if continue monorail, and 15 minutes if proceed with LRT star. Based on the Pythagoras theorem mixed with relativity formula, the monorail will take around 25 minutes and LRT star will take 7 minutes. However, I need to take a walk for around 1 km using LRT star, or around 400 meters using monorail. I can get 1 km in 15 minutes and 400 meters around 5 minutes, with deceleration of 0.02 mm/s2. Plus another 10-15 minutes because I don't know where the emergency room was.

After 2 seconds of intense thinking, I decided to take a cab from the bus stop, coz it was probably the fastest and most efficient way in this situation. On the way to the hospital, I was thinking of several possibilities regarding what happened to my sister. Because she has been sent to the emergency once in the past. If im not mistaken it happened because she had this typhoid and she was so ill. I don't know who told her, but My grandma traveled from Jakarta to Bogor (around 80 km I guess)and took her to the hospital, and she said that my sister was looking very pale. In my head I was like "What could it be this time? is it because she's eating less? working too hard? relationships? dengue? typhoid again?"

Then I got a call from her. She said "Gal, where are you now? btw don't tell mom" then no sound.

This was the moment when I went full panic. But since I was in cab so I couldn't do anything. I just prayed for the best hoping that nothing serious happened. I arrived at the hospital, go to the emergency room and then I saw a guy greet me"Resti's brother?" I just nodded. "please we need this amount of money, coz we need it for your sister medication and ward" I nodded twice and told him that I have no cash with me, so I went to the main building collected some money, got back to him and proceed with the payment. While waiting for our turn, I asked my sister's friend whether she fell ill or fainted. Then he replied "Her eyes are swollen, I guess she has food allergic or something" this is the moment of jaw dropping and stress relieving. I thought something serious (it was actually serious) happened. After the payment was settled, I went to see my sister and her face was totally changed. Her eyes were swollen like an aftermath fight. Then I laugh, she just smiled. After talking for quite sometime I asked her about why the phone was hung up during the call. Then she said there was no signal in the room. I grabbed my phone and she was right.

The doctor came and talked to my sister for a while, I guess asking about the possible cause of the allergic. Doctor said everything was looking fine, the swollen has becoming less and don't have to stay in the ward. Then everything went back as usual.

I am the kind of person who is really careless about food. Especially when it comes to the edibility of the food itself, not because good or bad, halal or haram, healthy or unhealthy. But more to whether the "food" is a food or not a food. So few weeks ago, I was having this starvation because I did not take breakfast, due to overslept. And in this new house rule we always eat together (my housemate and I). So we already set up when we will eat, thus whoever missing or sleeping during that time will be left behind. Ofcourse we remind each other before going. But my sleeping skill is different, when my mindset is holiday, nothing can bring me up.

So in the despair, I tried to distract my mind by cleaning my room, coz it was sunday. Somehow I made sunday as cleaning day, I don't know why, just feel like it. Then miracle happened. A pack of chocolate flakes laying inside a plastic jar. I guess my mom did this, packed all the left overs before moving to the new house. Along with it there were many others, but my eyes were only interested on this delicious chocolate flakes. I grabbed that thing and just pour everything into my mouth. I think I've finished almost half of it before finally get bored with the taste. So everytime I felt hungry I just eat that thing. But one day, I just realised that the taste was a bit different. I mean I've tried the same brand before but this one was something different. Then I remembered what my mother said "Always check the expiry date" and guess what, it was already expired in April 2015 and I opened that thing december 2015. I guess it is just the matter of time before my time comes.

Another one happened a week before the end of January 2016. So I bought this cookies and it has chocolate chips in it. I've prepared it just in case I oversleep again and I did. So right after I woke up, showered and everything, I opened my laptop and watched the downloaded movie with the cookie besides me. Since this is cookies, they tend to crumb when we eat so those crumbs were spread out on the floor. I ate the big crumbs but left the nano sized particles. So there is this time, when the chocolate chip fell to the floor. Those chocolate chips are the best thing about the cookies, nothing can stop me from eating that thing, even if it falls to the ground. So this chips fell, and I didn't really pay attention where it fell coz I was watching this movie. So I just glance to the location where it probably is. I saw this black circled thing and grabbed it with all my might and just put it in my mouth, coz I don't want to miss the movie's part. So I have this habits to chew the chips just to get the flavor out of it. After chewing for like 2.112 seconds, I realised something, it wasn't chocolate flavor. It wasn't like any other chips from the cookies, and I've never tasted anything like that.

Since my brain is very slow, the realisation came right before I swallow that sh*t. I just ran to the kitchen full speed, get to the sinky and rinsed my mouth with water, brushed my teeth and drink the left over apple juice from the fridge just to get rid of the taste. The sensation was thrilling, it gives me goosebumps everytime I think about it. I just can't imagine what would haave happened to me if my brain was just a little bit slower, coz that time it was normal . Now I still wonder what in the world could that be.

Few days ago I went back to Indonesia coz previously I thought that my contract was over and staying abroad would be pretty costly. I was about to say good bye and have gone to some memorable places to take pictures and all those stuff in the weekend, just want to see the change in the future. So I went back, booked for the cheapest one way flight. The next day, the day I was supposed to pay for the flight ticket, I went to the campus just to do daily routine, I was planning to do half day and proceed with the payment. I went for lunch with my colleagues within the campus area to save money. On the way back I met my ex supervisor (coz I was already unemployed).

my friend and I: "good afternoon Dr is"

Dr. Is: "Oh, hey, good afternoon, anyway, I've just submitted the progress report for our project. So your RA's extension notice will be out in a few weeks. However, it will be only for 6 months, since the project is gonna end on June"

my friends and I: "Alright Dr, Thank you very much"

I canceled my flight and booked for return flight right away.

People change physically as they get older (obviously). People I've spent time with, either for long or short period of time, will continue their life for better or worse. I met this person the other day who I know for quiet long time and after I don't know how long I didn't see and talk, I've met this person once again. At glance, I didn't remember who it was. But when I did a closer look, I could still recognize. I don't know whether my brain is getting worse or everyone has changed so fast, but I bet, if I've given 5 more years and then meet this person, I will not be able to tell, eventhough she stands and facing right infront of me. Few years ago my highschool friend called me when I went for holiday back to my home country. I was still using my old home phone number so everyone could still contact me. So one day I went to this mall to get something (I don't remember what), and when I got off an escalator 2 girls walked cross infront of me. I looked at two of them, did a quick observation (man's instinct) to one of them, so I looked at her and she looked at me, our eyes met then we kissed and looked away. I just looked at her because she was there and ofcourse when we get off the escalator, the first thing we do is look forward, and it was just happened to be her. So then I just continued walking coz I was still looking for the shop. Then after getting what I wanted I went home. That night a friend from my lower secondary school called. I didn't know who it was coz I've forgotten everyone's voice but I know it was my classmate since it was looking for me.

After chit-chatting for few minutes she asked me whether I went to this mall or not, wearing this t-shirt and all that. Then she said "why are you so arrogant? I was infront of you and you didn't say anything". I stood still, remembering the face of that girl I met infront of the escalator and still couldn't believe that it was her. I just laugh coz she changed alot, not sure because of make up or what. But the point is that these changes from physical or the way people dress, can seriously trick me. My expectation may not follow what the truth is appeared to be, so don't blame me.

I thought this post was posted a few months ago. I guess I forgot to click the button. pardon my language

Advice from a friend "Catching up with the others may sometime drift us away from our own dreams"