HABITUAL

I don't know what makes people get so hype about this new year thing. Most of them were mentioning all of their new plans, or goals for this 2016. I know that it's the beginning of the year, but new goals can be set like everytime. We don't really have to make a plan on the first day of new year. Unless you are running a company and to make everything organised. It's not that I get irritated by all these "new plans" they are talking about. It's just that most of the plans they made, have not really come true. Like you see someone saying them out loud infront of you, and by the end of the year nothing really came true and when you ask them they said" well I don't have the time for that", "I have something more important to do"

Recently, I just realised that the way I do and choose things has really changed for the last 5 months, exactly right after my parents went back. Last time, I didn't have to worry much about daily meals and house rent. I used my own money to get things I desire and daily stuff but still when I get home I was supported by my parents. So, in term of personal finance (minus the study fees), it was comfy for me. But everything has changed when the fire nation attack I have to live based/relied on my saving/salary. There are expected and unexpected things which I have to buy or get in order to sustain a good life style, well at least average life style. Like daily meals, water supply, paying electric/water bills, house rent, internet fees. These are all the "everyday" stuff and the rest are unexpected, which I don't really know what. Anyway, I just bought a fan for my room since the old ones is spinning like snail, making me wake up in my own sweat.

Week days routine

Then: depart from home at 7.30 am and arrive at home around 6 pm, interact with family until 11 pm and sleep around 11.30 pm
Now : depart from home at 7.00 am and arrive at home around 10 pm, sleep 10.30 pm (take shower and sleep).

Going shopping
Then: This shirt looks good and the price is considerably okay (RM 20-50). I guess it's worth to buy.
Now : (look at my 8 years old shirt) nahhh. this shirt can last for another 3 years.

Taking meals
Then: (look for quality and ingredients of the food) hmm. The price is not so bad, it looks tasty. I'm taking this.
Now : (look for the menu) hmm. May I have plain rice with scramble egg, please.

Weekend plan
Then: go outside, visit new places.
Now : Play games, clean up my room and sleep I guess.

The last 5 months have been pretty much repeating the same thing over and over again. Having fieldwork once in awhile have been very helpful and felt like I could temporarily release tons of burden. I guess this is what people said as "I have no life". Nevertheless, I'm still lucky/grateful to be here.

As the oldest man among my sibling, I somehow feel the kind of responsibility to take care the others. I didn't build it coz it somewhat came naturally knowing that my parents are hundreds miles away. Like my father always tells me "Gal, you are the oldest among them all, take care and look after them, be a good example, and may the force be with you" remove the last part. But that's pretty much what my dad always said everytime I was about to departed or when he's about to be away for while.

So this one day, in one beautiful afternoon. I was just finished my lunch and heading back to my office. I guess I had like another 30 more minutes before my lunch break was over so I went online for a while. 15 minutes of scrolling around the internet has truly made me exhausted then I decided to take a quick nap (Normally 10-90 minutes). I put aside my laptop, removed papers from my desk and ready to land my head on the hardest mattress in the world, my working desk. Suddenly I heard a ringtone, and thought that I know the sound. After few seconds of thinking I realised that it was coming from my pocket. My phone was ringing for like 10 seconds, I checked the phone number and it was unknown. I was like "who the hell is this? could it be her?nah impossible"

I picked up the phone and these were lines I heard "Hallo, this is Iko, Resti's friend. Your sister is in emergency room in *** hospital. Could you please come? Coz I need your help here, hurry!!!" This was the time when my brain stopped working due to the after lunch disease, plus tired of scrolling around the internet combined with sleepiness. I replied "Aaaa hah?? seriously?? ok I'll be right there in a flash". I hung up my phone, put all my stuff in my bag, left the building and headed to bus stop immediately.

Along the way to the bus stop, I thought about the fastest way to get there. The options were taking LRT-LRT star or LRT-Monorail. Both options were pretty much the same, the only different is the possibility of the train delayed time. In my head my brain works like a computer. Using some maths formulae I've learned from my primary school I was somehow able to measure all the estimated time taken to get to the destination using both ways. In the end, I need to take a bus which probably takes around 10 minutes with waiting time of at most 15 minutes coz I missed the previous bus. Then the first LRT will either take approximately 10 minutes if continue monorail, and 15 minutes if proceed with LRT star. Based on the Pythagoras theorem mixed with relativity formula, the monorail will take around 25 minutes and LRT star will take 7 minutes. However, I need to take a walk for around 1 km using LRT star, or around 400 meters using monorail. I can get 1 km in 15 minutes and 400 meters around 5 minutes, with deceleration of 0.02 mm/s2. Plus another 10-15 minutes because I don't know where the emergency room was.

After 2 seconds of intense thinking, I decided to take a cab from the bus stop, coz it was probably the fastest and most efficient way in this situation. On the way to the hospital, I was thinking of several possibilities regarding what happened to my sister. Because she has been sent to the emergency once in the past. If im not mistaken it happened because she had this typhoid and she was so ill. I don't know who told her, but My grandma traveled from Jakarta to Bogor (around 80 km I guess)and took her to the hospital, and she said that my sister was looking very pale. In my head I was like "What could it be this time? is it because she's eating less? working too hard? relationships? dengue? typhoid again?"

Then I got a call from her. She said "Gal, where are you now? btw don't tell mom" then no sound.

This was the moment when I went full panic. But since I was in cab so I couldn't do anything. I just prayed for the best hoping that nothing serious happened. I arrived at the hospital, go to the emergency room and then I saw a guy greet me"Resti's brother?" I just nodded. "please we need this amount of money, coz we need it for your sister medication and ward" I nodded twice and told him that I have no cash with me, so I went to the main building collected some money, got back to him and proceed with the payment. While waiting for our turn, I asked my sister's friend whether she fell ill or fainted. Then he replied "Her eyes are swollen, I guess she has food allergic or something" this is the moment of jaw dropping and stress relieving. I thought something serious (it was actually serious) happened. After the payment was settled, I went to see my sister and her face was totally changed. Her eyes were swollen like an aftermath fight. Then I laugh, she just smiled. After talking for quite sometime I asked her about why the phone was hung up during the call. Then she said there was no signal in the room. I grabbed my phone and she was right.

The doctor came and talked to my sister for a while, I guess asking about the possible cause of the allergic. Doctor said everything was looking fine, the swollen has becoming less and don't have to stay in the ward. Then everything went back as usual.

I am the kind of person who is really careless about food. Especially when it comes to the edibility of the food itself, not because good or bad, halal or haram, healthy or unhealthy. But more to whether the "food" is a food or not a food. So few weeks ago, I was having this starvation because I did not take breakfast, due to overslept. And in this new house rule we always eat together (my housemate and I). So we already set up when we will eat, thus whoever missing or sleeping during that time will be left behind. Ofcourse we remind each other before going. But my sleeping skill is different, when my mindset is holiday, nothing can bring me up.

So in the despair, I tried to distract my mind by cleaning my room, coz it was sunday. Somehow I made sunday as cleaning day, I don't know why, just feel like it. Then miracle happened. A pack of chocolate flakes laying inside a plastic jar. I guess my mom did this, packed all the left overs before moving to the new house. Along with it there were many others, but my eyes were only interested on this delicious chocolate flakes. I grabbed that thing and just pour everything into my mouth. I think I've finished almost half of it before finally get bored with the taste. So everytime I felt hungry I just eat that thing. But one day, I just realised that the taste was a bit different. I mean I've tried the same brand before but this one was something different. Then I remembered what my mother said "Always check the expiry date" and guess what, it was already expired in April 2015 and I opened that thing december 2015. I guess it is just the matter of time before my time comes.

Another one happened a week before the end of January 2016. So I bought this cookies and it has chocolate chips in it. I've prepared it just in case I oversleep again and I did. So right after I woke up, showered and everything, I opened my laptop and watched the downloaded movie with the cookie besides me. Since this is cookies, they tend to crumb when we eat so those crumbs were spread out on the floor. I ate the big crumbs but left the nano sized particles. So there is this time, when the chocolate chip fell to the floor. Those chocolate chips are the best thing about the cookies, nothing can stop me from eating that thing, even if it falls to the ground. So this chips fell, and I didn't really pay attention where it fell coz I was watching this movie. So I just glance to the location where it probably is. I saw this black circled thing and grabbed it with all my might and just put it in my mouth, coz I don't want to miss the movie's part. So I have this habits to chew the chips just to get the flavor out of it. After chewing for like 2.112 seconds, I realised something, it wasn't chocolate flavor. It wasn't like any other chips from the cookies, and I've never tasted anything like that.

Since my brain is very slow, the realisation came right before I swallow that sh*t. I just ran to the kitchen full speed, get to the sinky and rinsed my mouth with water, brushed my teeth and drink the left over apple juice from the fridge just to get rid of the taste. The sensation was thrilling, it gives me goosebumps everytime I think about it. I just can't imagine what would haave happened to me if my brain was just a little bit slower, coz that time it was normal . Now I still wonder what in the world could that be.

Few days ago I went back to Indonesia coz previously I thought that my contract was over and staying abroad would be pretty costly. I was about to say good bye and have gone to some memorable places to take pictures and all those stuff in the weekend, just want to see the change in the future. So I went back, booked for the cheapest one way flight. The next day, the day I was supposed to pay for the flight ticket, I went to the campus just to do daily routine, I was planning to do half day and proceed with the payment. I went for lunch with my colleagues within the campus area to save money. On the way back I met my ex supervisor (coz I was already unemployed).

my friend and I: "good afternoon Dr is"

Dr. Is: "Oh, hey, good afternoon, anyway, I've just submitted the progress report for our project. So your RA's extension notice will be out in a few weeks. However, it will be only for 6 months, since the project is gonna end on June"

my friends and I: "Alright Dr, Thank you very much"

I canceled my flight and booked for return flight right away.

People change physically as they get older (obviously). People I've spent time with, either for long or short period of time, will continue their life for better or worse. I met this person the other day who I know for quiet long time and after I don't know how long I didn't see and talk, I've met this person once again. At glance, I didn't remember who it was. But when I did a closer look, I could still recognize. I don't know whether my brain is getting worse or everyone has changed so fast, but I bet, if I've given 5 more years and then meet this person, I will not be able to tell, eventhough she stands and facing right infront of me. Few years ago my highschool friend called me when I went for holiday back to my home country. I was still using my old home phone number so everyone could still contact me. So one day I went to this mall to get something (I don't remember what), and when I got off an escalator 2 girls walked cross infront of me. I looked at two of them, did a quick observation (man's instinct) to one of them, so I looked at her and she looked at me, our eyes met then we kissed and looked away. I just looked at her because she was there and ofcourse when we get off the escalator, the first thing we do is look forward, and it was just happened to be her. So then I just continued walking coz I was still looking for the shop. Then after getting what I wanted I went home. That night a friend from my lower secondary school called. I didn't know who it was coz I've forgotten everyone's voice but I know it was my classmate since it was looking for me.

After chit-chatting for few minutes she asked me whether I went to this mall or not, wearing this t-shirt and all that. Then she said "why are you so arrogant? I was infront of you and you didn't say anything". I stood still, remembering the face of that girl I met infront of the escalator and still couldn't believe that it was her. I just laugh coz she changed alot, not sure because of make up or what. But the point is that these changes from physical or the way people dress, can seriously trick me. My expectation may not follow what the truth is appeared to be, so don't blame me.

I thought this post was posted a few months ago. I guess I forgot to click the button. pardon my language

Advice from a friend "Catching up with the others may sometime drift us away from our own dreams"