I just did my candidature defense for my master program. Knowing that one of the panel would be one of the lecturer I scared the most, I felt anxious that he might ask some weird questions. I prepared my slide within a week coz there was a mistake I made on my interpretation. Since the more you study the more you understand, so I just got an idea regarding my stuff little bit later, and thank god I managed to do it. This is also the moment when I know my body better than before. So basically, I'm the typical person who likes to prepare every single thing in the most convenient way. I like to plan everything long before I do something. Also I hate last minute work or study, since I don't like to stress my self, but it doesn't mean I hate critical thinking, because I need and want to be fair with everything. Like planing my thesis or presentation. I thought everything was clear months before I did my presentation slide. But somewhat unfortunately/fortunately, a week before my presentation, Monday at 8.45 a.m. I read a paper which has blasted my mind and in the end I came up with a new idea. At first I wanted to ignore it coz it'll be troublesome to change here and there (slide and thesis), but in the end I did it anyway. From 8.46-9.00 am, was one of the time when I used my full brain power, I planned everything in the most efficient way. Started by looking my slides, see the flow and it didn't fit/suit/correspond/match/ with the new idea, making me worry and stress at the same time, knowing that I might have to change my entire slides. Then I realised something. So, when I stressed out I tend to have ulcer, lots of ulcers and my hands and feet start to excrete excessive sweat (not sure about the term), head starts to itch and light fever.
So at first I had 25 slides within my presentation and after that "innovation" I've come up with 40 slides and I knew that I need to change almost everything when the first slide that need to be changed was the introduction. Therefore the only one stayed from the previous slide was the cover/front page. I had 5 days, starting from monday, my presentation was on friday the same week, I planned to show my slides to my supervisor on tuesday expecting he comes up with the feed back on wednesday, do the correction asap and I could do the dry run on thursday, so I'll be ready on friday. Those two days were exhausting, I came to department at 7.20 am and arrived home like 11.30 pm. This was because only 5 slides including 1 page of cover, reference and other 3 I can't remember had words, the rest was fully diagrams, pictures, photographs, tables (not even words), and models. I recreated and rearranged everything so that it goes with the flow. After I've finished I submitted to my supervisor right away and he is a very meticulous person. All correction he did to my thesis was somehow demotivating, but constructive at the same time. So I was expecting every slide has at least one correction and, worst comes to worst I need a major correction if he's not agree with my idea. I waited anxiously on wednesday from morning til the afternoon but no reply from him, so I decided to go back home early (10 pm) since the working hour was over and no sign of him replying my email.
The next day (thursday) around 10 am, I received an email from him with the same title I sent two days ago. In my head I was like "be nice to me, don't give too much correction, at least accept my idea and model". Then with full power I left-clicked my mouse and found no attachment. I was worried sick thinking that he forgot to see my slides. But then I read the message he sent me, it says "It looks good, however I would combine the intro slide with the locality map on the next slide" and then I just did the fastest correction I've ever done in my whole life, 10 secs with the cut-paste-edit-combine-save. In the afternoon I did a dry run infornt of my friends and the feed back has truly helped me improve the presentation. From a 35 minutes of talking non-stop to 20 minutes, although the dry run took almost one hour coz I asked them to stop me everytime I did something unnecessary or they didn't understand what I was saying, in other words if my delivery was bad. I wouldn't say that 15 minutes reduction was bad though, because in the end its all about the content and I was able to deliver everything within that period of time.
Then the day came, there were 4 presenters and my turn was the third and it was held in the lecture hall. When my time arrived, I just walked forward confidently, with my over-sized formal suit. Why oversized?? Coz I forgot to buy and that was the only formal attire I could find, and it was my father's, somehow inside my luggage (I was lucky to have one). So then I stood infront of the computer, opened my slides, looked at the audience, smiled like a retard and waited for my supervisor to give a signal, he looked at me, nodded and my time to shine was finally arrived. After it was over and talked for like 18 minutes I guess, saying thank you and bla bla bla, I just realised that I was about to be raped with questions from panels and one of them was the person I mentioned earlier. Funny thing happened (well, for me) during that Q and A session. So I was given 5 or 6 questions if I'm not mistaken, one of the question I couldn't answer. Firstly, because I didn't know whether it was a question or just a statement, Secondly, she spoke softly and I couldn't hear properly, even asked her to repeat that thing twice. That time I knew I was doomed, so I sought for a help from my supervisor, because supervisor could help his/her student to answer but not giving the answer. so I looked at him hoping that he got my signs of asking for help and maybe could lend me a hand, but the reality turned otherwise. He did look at me, but looked down immediately after seeing my face. Then I was like "wth??,really? why u no help me?Imma your student.why u look down.nooooooo!!!!!" So then in the despair I said to her "I'm not sure if I understand your question correctly, but I'll try to answer, bla bla bla" The other panel whom I mentioned earlier, I debated with him a little regarding my interpretation, I was worried because he's an expert and American. I always have this thought that western people are expert. But I was totally surprised when he said "it's the first time I hear you talking and it was nicely presented" I was flattered and thought that this person is not so bad at all.
I wouldn't have thought that I might come back to the field this year. I thought that I would have a normal year like any other normal students (other than geology). But you don't know what comes a head and what other people might have planned. It was in the middle of February when I just returned from a 2 days trip with my friend, accompanying him to his study area. I don't consider it as fieldwork since its only in short period of time and besides it didn't feel like field work at all. So right after that when I reached home I chatted with my friend whose having nearby study area with mine, and after long conversation talking about the contract thingy she said"Btw, are you planning to go to your study area? because I'm thinking on coming back this April for maybe a week". Suddenly tears burst inside my heart. from that moment I realised that all of my not-getting-dark plan was going to an end.
However, the feeling changed right after I landed at the airport. Somehow the atmosphere has drastically changed right after I arrived , like I had this feeling something interesting/unusual is about to happen and I was looking forward to it. Bytheway, this time, I went trio with another local friend, I mean this person lives not-so-nearby our study area, since she's going to help us and vice versa, so spent a week for each of our study area. The first week was a normal sedimentoloical field work and since I was there to help my friend, I did nothing much, except that I practiced with my photography skill using my phone since one of us (obviously not me) is a pro in this photography thingy so I learnt as much as I could from her. Then another week I spent in my friend study area and since her field of study area is different from me, I couldn't really expect much what would we do. Yes, I did ask her regarding the methodology or do we do any field interpretation or just simply collect data and sample. After the first 2 days of her fieldwork, my body started to disfunction. Somehow everytime I took a break/sit for more than 10 minutes, my body lost its power. It feels like the aftermath of carrying a super heavy object. So basically her type of fieldwork is more to the walk-alot kind of fieldwork, where you need to keep on moving under or covered from the sunlight. While my type of fieldwork is just a stand-still kind of fieldwork where only small amount of movement is required. However I need to be under the hot sun, coz most of the outcrops are found that way.
The feeling of "something will happen", the one I had before the fieldwork was real. Lots of thing did happen during this fieldwork and all were unexpected and last minute planned.
The first day my friend and I were picked up by this local friend and she offered to stay at her house before we moved to our study area, making it easy for her to take us. I was at first worried because I guess this was the first time I overnight in my friend house, her parent's house and for more specific girl's house. It felt more awkward for me because I was the only guy in the group. First time I arrived she told me her parents are away. So in my head I was like "Eh??So only three of us will be staying tonight?no it can't be". I don't know for some people but for me staying with girls under the same roof is odd, not sure I'm the odd ones or what, I'm just not used to that. Along the way to her house my brain thought about millions of possibilities that could happen from me being uncontrollable to the other way around. I was afraid that my dark side would emerge. Then when we reached her house she opened the gate (coz there were dogs), and then I saw a guy walked out the front door and brought the dogs away to the backyard so we could enter the house. Then I asked my friend about the guy, and it's her brother. I was like"okay, that's a relieve. at least someone can stop me just in case I lose control. Now I can rest in peace". I didn't sleep well that night.
The next day we went around 250 km southwest to my friend's study area and along the way we tried to get to the field work mode. It may take few days just to get your mental ready for being scorched under the hot sun. my friend drove this 4x4 hilux and after traveled 3/4 of the journey one of the tires exploded, luckily my friend successfully controlled the car calmly to the roadside eventhough her face said otherwise. 2 hours we took to change the tire coz we got stuck removing the busted tire, We tried kicking and pulling, but didn't work. Plus the tire has this iron threads which is new for me, since this was the first time I changed this 4x4 tire. In the end, one of us (me) went under the car and kicked it from the inner side of the tire and with a single kick it got off, plus there was this lock blocking the spare tire and the key hole was filled with mud, so it took quiet amount of time just to make sure the key went to the hole. So basically we wasted like 1 hour with all these kicking and pulling and maybe 5-10mins to get the key hole cleared, while the remaining was the time of despair. It was 2 hours of worth new experience of life. I don't know but I prefer this kind of experience, something unexpected that can happen anytime, rather than visiting new places, eat new foods, try new activities, although I don't deny any of them. Because it gives me this unexplainable sensation and have more chance to be remembered.
A minute after the Journey begun (happy faces. too young, too dumb to realise about whats gonna happen)
2 hours later*in the despair, 5 seconds before thinking of committing suicide
Me doing the key-hole-lock cleaning) (they want to see this online)
Key-hole filled with mud
after 2 hours of faith *look at the feet, that's because of the tire-kicking action
The next few days found new outcrops which made me so excited and could be a prospect for my Phd program if I want to pursue further. One best thing about this fieldwork was there is this restaurant selling indonesian food inside the town I lived in. Although this restaurant is simple and not extravagant, but the food was excellent. It has been I don't know how long since the last time I went to indonesian restaurant which could satisfy my tongue. Besides the price is considerably cheaper. Another "best" memory happened when I was helping my friend looking for this paleocurrent (flow direction) underneath the rock. So there was this exposure where the cliff was >70 degrees and I from below I saw this huge scour marks which could be a good indicator of flow direction. But the problem was that it is 7 meters high up and since I needed to get this reading ,so I climbed up that cliff. Getting up was easy but stabilizing your-self to get the reading was pretty hard, since it is sedimentary rock and would easily break if I put too much pressure on where my feet were steeping, so I had to adjust my position accordingly. Above this cliff is a flat surface and since I was like a meter away from it and wanted to get more data, why not I get up there, coz I was hoping that I could get better view. So I raised both hands tried to reach the top, grabbed it and suddenly the rock where I step on collapsed and so I solely relied and hanged on my both hands.
Sedimentologists intense outcrop discussion
Me in action *stuck
It felt like a life and death situation. I was scared to death. I tried to move my feet sideways, hoping that I could get something to step on but nothing. Below me was like 5-6 meters high, ofcourse I wouldn't die if I fall, unless head first. Besides there was no flash back so the worst might be broken bones. My manly tear was about to break and I was just about to let go my hands and a picture flashed in my head. I somehow got this 3 seconds super-strength and finally managed to pull my self up to the top. I laid down for like a minute just to get my head clear form that thrilling moment. I stood up look around and luckily found what I have been looking for, but I need to get down to the cliff again coz it was 3 meters away from the previous one. The shity part about climbing is going back down. It took me like 2 minutes to get into the position to where that thing was. I adjusted where I step on, just to make sure that it's stable. So to get this reading we need this specific geological compass (I don't know if there's specific name for it). I took it from my pocket, positioned underneath the rock (coz it was flute cast underneath the rock), but blocked by this debris. So I cleaned up this debris and guess what I found. yes, it was a blackish scorpion. It was medium sized (5-7 cm) but still made me panic like hell. I was like"what the heck, no,no,no!!!". I was freaked out plus panic, but more to freaked out. I moved back and lost my balance immediately, I tried to reach anything within my grasp but too late.
In my messed up head I was like "is this it?is this how its gonna end?die as dedicated geologist?I haven't even completed my master. why no flash back?? I see, so its broken bones then"
Everything happened in a flash, I didn't even realise that I was already laid down and facing upright. I tried to move my legs and arms but didn't work. I thought I was done with the fieldwork, but then I waited for like 15 seconds, took a deep breath and with all my strength I finally able to stand up and then immediately walked towards my friend. I was like "what the hell just happened?how did I survive that?"
Next day we went back north and stopped by at he beach. It has been I dont know how long since the last time I went to the beach. It was pretty relaxing day before continuing the fieldwork next day. Then I found this beautiful rock while we were about to go back. It's recent sedimentary rock I guess embedded with broken part's sea-shells. Then from looking at the rock I realise something "its perfection comes from the imperfection"
This is a perfect of imperfection
Some snapped photographs
Little grasshoppers
Aligned furry-ball plant *I don't know the name of the plant, just found it interesting
Glowing stick-like dandelion *Not sure about the name
Lonely wanderer
Then time for my local friend's fieldwork where lots of stamina was needed coz there were lots of hiking and walking. It was really tiring week but fun. My friend and I were invited to the dinner with my local her family. The whole family member was there except for one elder sister working in KL. But it sure was very warm atmosphere which I haven't felt for quiet sometime, made me miss my family. One day before the fieldwork ends, we went to this waterfall, where 15 minutes hiking was required. The girls made and packed the food for this little picnic. It was a good ending before going back to the reality in the next day.
moments to remember
Lost
Walk away *it was the last time they saw me
A lot of things happened during this fieldwork, like laughing, fighting, sharing, discussing, falling, sliding, sitting, standing, pissing, pooping. Good memories and bonds were made among us, even fell in love with a stranger. However, I can't carry everything with me. I let whatever happened stay where it is, coz I'm not planning to bring it back anyway. The time spent was worth, as feeling grew stronger everyday. But In the end, I need to leave it behind and forget whatever happened, even the precious ones. Otherwise, I wont be able to move on and trap in this endless uncertainty, knowing that my heart and thought go separate ways. Time has brought us together for a reason, but I've decided to let this go. Because I know how it will end if I decide to follow my heart. Eventually, time sure will lead us to different paths, so I guess it's better to let things go this way, maybe it's all part of a plan (edsheeran). Goodbye my shoe and slipper, you'll be replaced soon.
So after approximately 4 years both shoe and slipper finally reached their retirement time and I threw them away for good, before coming back to KL.
These are the faithful shoe and slipper. 10 seconds before I threw them into the garbage bin* the shoe looks okay, but the rubber at the bottom part was torn.
