Saturday, November 14, 2015

SUBLIMINAL

This post is supposed to talk about every major things that happened to my life since the beginning of my journey in my second home. But due to the lost of some photos and notes, I decided to write something not less important/usefull, exactly like what I always do. (ignore)

You'll never know that things from the past can be brought forward. Few weeks back I just did something I've left behind. Something which I thought I would have never done it again. I mean it's not because it's harmful, but I guess because I've reached my limit to do such a thing and should just move on to my real life. So one late night, right after I went back home, I got a message in FB from my junior. The last time he messaged me was asking about thesis and stuffs, so I was expecting something similar. So feeling a bit lazy (since I was so tired), I opened the message and what I saw was something I would never expect to come. He asked me to join his band and perform for this ID FEST thingy.

Everything felt so unclear with all this tiredness. So, without thinking so much I agreed. Then somehow, I remembered that my instruments are no longer with me except this acoustic guitar which has been with me for 9 years of playing. I mean this guitar has seen my struggle of practicing day and night. I guess my blood is there as well, since during the earlier days I've got lots of scratches on my finger tips and this thing happened to the beginners.

So if I asked my parents to send me the guitar it wont me reach on time, coz some of the moved stuffs haven't been unpacked, which include my stuffs. I still remember the last time I put them away was just right after my degree convocation day. Before leaving the house I played for like half an hour just to check the condition and put them back to the cases and have never been opened them ever since. I didn't even look at them when they were being wrapped during the moving out few months ago, except my one and only stratocaster.

I intended to bring it with me but my parents said that I wont need it anymore. Well, I guess they were right at some points since I've given up on jamming and anything to do with band or performing. But now I just agreed to this, and to be honest I was not sure, but then flash back of the good old days came to me and felt like the universe has given me this chance and I don't know why. So I was like "ok, there is nothing to lose, better give it a shot, I've done it before"

So I joined the conversation group in the next day, discussed the songs and that time we haven't found the singer. After discussing for I guess 2 days I remembered someone who could sing, I mean I have performed with her before and we won second place in a competition, I guess there's nothing wrong asking her to join the band and luckily she agreed. Immediately we planned the time for practice and the songs coz we only had like 2 weeks before the day and we didn't know what each of us were capable of, then we marked weekends and 3 weekdays for practice.

A very important thing I've forgotten about this was "everything does not always go according to the plan". Lots of things happened and we almost forfeited the band from performing. One of us almost quit the group for some reasons. It reminds me that similar things happened in the past and it was exactly the same. But, it went happy ending. The others were stressed out regarding this matter, and the only solution was to find a replacement, coz canceling the band was not an option. After few days of practicing on our own, we got a good news coz we found the replacement. Then shit happened. The person who quit the band was joining back. But, Thank god the replacement guy was so understanding. So he stepped back and he told us that if anything happen again we can always contact him. (he got my salute).

We're on to the real deal now and with only 6 days left before the day, still haven't found the right songs, unsynchronized tempo and tried to modified here and there. I guess those 6 days were one on the longest 6 days of my life so far. I had to go to the university at 7.am and do my stuff until like 5 pm. Then practice until like 10.30 pm. then reach home around 12-12.30 am. took shower and everything, reached bed 1-1.30 am. then repeat for the next 5 days until the day. Just like the old good times.

You'd never know and realise when "the day" has finally come and exactly the same feelings of anxious, nervous, scared, unconfident and all other billions of negative feelings. But at the same time I felt excited for some reasons. I mean I miss all these feelings, standing infront of people, entertain people, bringing good vibes to the atmosphere and those kind of things. So finally before going to the stage we grouped up, said the prayers, and did like all those football teams do before they start the game where everyone is gathering in a circle, and screaming their team out loud (I don't know the term for that). By the way the name of the band was "Finally symmetrical" Because it was originally formed by one of the band members, long time ago during his highschool. The original name was "Asymmetrical", but because it was his final performance and he was the only one staying for the band until this very last minute, since all the other members left to find their own paths in this cruel world and to create a good ending of the uncertainty of the band, the name "finally symmetrical" was given. The reasons may sound childish but that's how it is.

Our time to shine have finally arrived. The moment we've all been waiting for, where we put all our efforts to the fullest. The struggle, laughs, joys, angers and tears will be shown on the stage. feeling a bit hesitant I walked on to the stage behind my friends, get in position of my instrument and realised that there will be no turning back.

Up against this hesitation I grabbed the guitar, plugged in the cable, looked at my friends waiting for the signal to start the song. Once the signal by the piano was sounded I looked at the audience and this overwhelming feelings arose. Then I realized one thing

"No matter how hard I try to forget, something will bring me back to you again"

Then the song begun.

Thank god everything went great although I made mistakes here and there, but overall it was a success.

I just came back from my home country a few days ago, took a week break from all this misery of life. I did nothing much, since its solely purposed to visit my family and besides, my house is still under renovated, so I just watched the workers doing their jobs, watched TV and sleep. By the way during this break I was on "see food" diet, means that when I see food I eat. Somehow, my belly could store everything, like endless starvation.

During the first two days I ate uncontrollably coz I missed the foods so much, especially my mom's cookings. I ate whatever she cooked and bought. But due to my uncontrollable-animal-appetite of eating too much, I ended up having a severe stomach ache. So basically, I went back and forth to the toilet like 10 times in a day to do the "number 2", starting from the time I woke up till the evening before I was finally given a medicine. I guess my body could not adapt and catch up with my ego and appetite, since the feedback was so painful. However, we as human are born to struggle and survive, and no sacrifice no victory. In order to survive and satisfy my animal-appetite, I trained my self and ate like crazy in the next day in order to gain what I've lost. Luckily, I survived and did not suffer the same thing, so then the "see food" diet was on again.

There was something interesting happened during my break, which is still amazed me until this post is released. So the story started in a beautiful morning, no signs or anything suspicious, except I just had a very weird dream, I met my highschool junior asking to choose one of them for a particular event and I still don't remember the details. Okay that morning I went outside to get fresh air and gathered all souls since I was half alive. Infront of my house is small alley and there is someone's house on the other side. Everything seemed normal until I saw 2 girls, sitting, not the owner of that house, and one of them looks exactly like an old friend from highschool. I could not believe it at first and I thought it was just my imagination since I was still half alive and maybe my eyes haven't really working properly. I focused my eye sight right to the face, trying to analyse the details and 99% is positive. Then, I thought maybe it was just a coincidence, I mean I heard that there are at least 7 people whose face are similar to us.

Then I wondered what her name is, I mean, just want to make sure that only the face is similar. But, just right after I had a thought of that, the other person called her name and guess what? the person name is the same as the person in my highschool. I was like "Holy shoot, What the heck is this". Then I thought that if she shows one more similar thing, I'm gonna ask her personally, not to ask her out, just to make sure certain things. Thank goodness her voice sounds different, otherwise I would go and talk to her, and she might think that I am a weirdo or something.

I think have found out something very funny regarding the current hairstyle in my home country. Well, this is just my assumption so it might be wrong. So I was planning to have a haircut just right after I performed at the IDFEST thing, but I remembered that I'll be back home a weak after that day and because of the price is considerably cheaper, I decided to have a hair cut later when I go back. I'm a bit picky when it comes to the place for hair cut since I had a very bad experience which I have told last year. So back in my country before I moved to malaysia, I always go to this barber, located 5 minutes ride by bike. This time I went there with my father coz he wanted to have a hair cut as well. I went there and saw a few other customers and I guess that I have enough time to pick the style from the posters.

So basically, they have 6 posters attached to the wall with different hairsytle. So I looked at them, one poster after another, observing the details and found out something interesting. 5 out of 6 posters show the same kind of hairstyle where you have this little hair at the sides and bulky on the top. The different were only the hair intensity, the models and small patterns which are not actually significant. I used to call the hair style as "no-future-hairstyle". Coz I used to play this MMORPG game during my highschool and I don't know why I hate this kind of hairstyle. But now has become the hairstyle people want the most. The one last poster was not even better. yes it shows variety of styles in one single poster, but they were all 80's styles. I was like "How the hell do I choose this".Then I looked at the barbers and realised that they have the "no-future" hairstyle as well. So when my turn came I just told him "make it tidy" and now I ended up having "no-future" hairstyle as well but a little bit better, since the sides are still abit bulky.

Now here I am back to reality and the struggle is on again.