FAREWELL

The perk of doing research is having to know something people might have not heard or studied. You are also get the chance to know the latest information regarding your topics or whatever field you are in. However and somehow, the more you study the more you know that you are absolutely know nothing and somewhat this makes me think that "am I going in the right direction?".

I don't know the level of confidence of other researchers when they first started their research. Do they really know what they are doing? or do they just simply and randomly do whatever their supervisors tell them to do? Yes, we did our desk study, read the previous works, but the level of understanding during that "early age" is I would say still immature to decide something. I mean I'm doing sedimentary geology and the first time I did my research I thought the end products would be only the depositional environment, how the sediments were formed, what are factors affecting them and so forth. But, by time, I feel like "is that it? is that why I do all of this?" Because otherwise you will be stuck infront of your computer, looking at your halfway progressed work and completely clueless about the next future progress since you are already know the story of everything and only need to write/type them down. And I'm at that stage now.

I guess there are levels that when people do research they might have experienced them. I mean this is just how I feel after few months of doing it. So here are the levels:

Level 1: this happened when the first time I started my research. At this level, I felt like clueless about everything. All I did was just read books and journals.
Level 2: this stage happened 6-12 months after the research started. I felt like I already know everything. I could do and perform everything, judge every journals that I read, and start correcting others people's work. Complaining why everyone did such an interpretation.
Level 3: This stage is when I know that I actually know nothing. When all my problems started to come, I tried to read as much as possible and I realised that my knowledge is very shallow, knowing that there are millions of terms which I haven't heard about. Then I started questioning myself. Would I be able to complete this? Am I really doing it?

Few days ago my friends and I talked about politics and complaining about what those people on the high seats are doing. I don't really know the stuff so just kept quite. Then one of myfriends said they are bunch of losers who are thirst of power and wealth. At first they are okay, but by time they misuse the rules for their own benefit. Looking at their background they are actually pretty much badass in term of education. Most of them have their PHD's and have worked in big companies. However, high education does not always produce highly educated people. Some people are just knowledgeable not educated. I guess their PHD's are just another level of PHD's (pizza hut deliveries).

Out of nowhere the talk turned into their experience of finding about people's attitude and behavior. They said people in the village are more civilized compared to those living in the city. Because "villagers" have more manner towards each other and they do everything accordingly. Then they mentioned billions examples what villagers do and those townsfolk don't. Which could be said that villagers are sometimes more educated compared to townsman.

So out of millions things that we mentioned these are few that I remember.

throw rubbish in the right place
queue patiently
park your vehicles in the provided area
flush the toilet after use
put the thing back from where it was taken
apply learned lesson in daily life
spend money accordingly
necessity over desire
family is more important than friends
be fair to people

I just got one of the most useful reminder about life (I guess). It's about being grateful for everything that has happened to me. Everything happened for reasons. I was once looking at all my friends whose having a very "dreamy" life around the world, means that their dreams of style or ways of living. I think I've written somewhere about it before, that I would consider myself the as luckiest man alive. Not because I have everything, but I have what I need so far. I've failed alot, almost everyday, do things my way and of course with guidance. I do believe that As long as I have done my best, nature will bring the best to me, could be something I hate or even unexpected regardless what the results might be.

When I look back to what I was and what I am today, I could not say any words than just being grateful. These are few "things" which made me the think that I'm the luckiest man.

I was once bullied and avoided in kindergarten by almost everyone in the class, especially with the strongest guy, because I attended late (kids stuff). Just like what my parents said, always smile to people. After a few weeks, that strongest guy became my good friend.

I took a test for lower secondary school recommended by my teacher in primary school and got the privilege to join the "superior" class. I rejected it at first but my father insisted and asked me to join. Then, I entered secondary school without having to think about taking the general test for public school application, which almost 90% of my classmates failed.

After I finished my secondary form 2, I moved to malaysia and applied for international school. I did every test well except english (I did badly) so I need to repeat form 2. But after a few consideration they passed me.

I did my O'level exam pretty bad for non science subjects, coz I was planning to go back home and the results would actually be useless for entering indonesian highschool, since they have different syllabus. Yet, I applied for indonesian school in KL, did some tests and they passed me.

Again I did pass my final exams miserably, go back to indonesia applying for university, but failed coz I was not qualified enough to compete with other students and not well prepared for every test. I came back to malaysia, applied for uni, and got the best uni in the country.

I finished my degree, this time with so-so result, not good, but not bad either. I was just decided to further my study and planning to look for scholarship cos I wanted to be independent. I went to uni and talked to my friends and immediately he mentioned that his supervisor was looking for one more RA for the project.

According to the written rules and regulations, I was not supposed to be accepted for this master program due to some subjects which I did badly (I hated those 2 subjects, coz everything was about memorizing), the requirement was I need to get at least B's, and I got below that and didn't retake the subjects. But somehow I'm now a postgraduate student.

Whoever (mistakenly) sent the RM10 credit to my phone, I would like to give you my deepest condolence for not being able to call whoever you wanted to call and hope you'll get whatever you wish for in exchange for that good thing you've done.

It's almost the end of the year and just within a few days I'll be officially an unemployment since my contract is over. So my home country, here I come!!!!

good bye!!!